The 3 Biggest Mistakes with Nervous System Regulation

A lot of people try to regulate their nervous system—and when it feels uncomfortable or symptoms flare, they give up. They might think it’s not for them, or that their nervous system isn’t the problem. This is completely normal. Flare-ups and resistance are part of the process, and understanding why they happen makes it easier to keep going.

Here are the top three mistakes I see when working with clients:

1. Starting with brain retraining first
Brain retraining can feel like you’re trying to trick your brain into thinking positive thoughts. The issue is that when the brain feels under threat, there’s no way to “think your way out” of it. Brain retraining is really useful—but it needs to be done in the right sequence. If your nervous system hasn’t first felt safe in the body, brain-focused techniques can feel frustrating or even impossible.

2. Not being consistent
Neuroplasticity only works when you follow its principles over time. Rewiring the brain and changing how your body responds doesn’t take hours a day—it takes small, achievable practices done consistently. It also needs to be the right combination of exercises to address different parts of the nervous system. Consistency with the right approach is what creates lasting change.

3. Giving up when symptoms flare
Symptoms flaring at the start is completely normal. If you’ve been in a shutdown state, your system needs to move out of shutdown into fight or flight before regulation can fully happen. Flare-ups are your body learning to reset—they don’t mean you’re failing.

Regulation is a process, and it works best when followed in the right order. That order is different for everyone, depending on your triggers, history, and what your nervous system needs first. Paying attention to that sequence is what makes the process feel smoother and more effective.